Squatty Potty – for all your squatting potty needs

I actually have heard that putting a box to raise your feet up when you poo is a good idea – getting back to our caveman roots and pooping the way we evolved to. Let’s see if paying for a professional version works for the reviewers:
Customer Review
1,253 of 1,284 people found the following review helpful
Verified Purchase
This review is from: Squatty Potty Ecco 9″ – Elimination Aid – Natural Bathroom Relief Through A Toilet Stool (Baby Product)
I gingerly climbed on top of the plastic contraption now ringing my porcelain throne. It soon became apparent that I couldn’t keep my britches at my ankles as I normally did. No, they had to go entirely, along with my underthings. And if there is anything more ridiculous on this planet than the sight of a human man wearing a t-shirt and nothing else, I have yet to experience it. So in the interest of saving myself this unfortunate view, I doffed the shirt as well. Now entirely naked, I again attempted to step onto the device. I was unsure, but it seemed to hold. I settled down to the seat, with only the extremities of my posterior touching. My knees were up at my chest. This, plus my complete nakedness, felt very primal. It felt third-world and adventurous. It felt… RIGHT. I concentrated on the task at hand. I had felt a slight urge to go, and had been eager to try out the new purchase. I had been intrigued by the promise that my business would henceforth require substantially less effort on my part, because of the wild beast–man position it forced upon me. But I was still skeptical. It sounded too good to be true. Surely the difference couldn’t be that dras— HOLY HELL I’M POOPING.

Well, let me clarify. It wasn’t so much that I was dropping a deuce. Oh, it was being dropped; that much was undeniable. But I couldn’t really claim agency on said descent. Gravity was doing the work. I was merely the meaty husk from which it made its hasty escape. Used to more of a segmented approach to waste disposal, I was quite surprised that the creature making its egress from my nethers had more the appearance of a python. Smooth, and consistent in width, it coiled luxuriously in a pool of toilet water that is (or at least was) cleaner than the water that most of the people on this planet drink. As it continued to coil, my emotional state flowed from one of surprise, to horror, to amazement, and then again to horror as the snake coiled higher and higher, like soft serve ice cream at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. It was now surfacing above the water line. But still, the snake showed no signs that it was anywhere near finished with its journey. In a panic, I pawed at the flusher. The poor toilet strained, but eventually sent things on their way. But I wasn’t done yet. As the toilet flushed the waste away, more came to replace it. As the flush subsided, the coil started anew. And then I was done. I tried to catch my breath as the toilet flushed a second time. I felt my liver shift and expand, unsure what to do with all the extra space now afforded to it. I cleaned up and stood, almost dizzy after the affair. “Wow. A+++”, I thought to myself. “Would poop again.”

“Very well,” my bowels seemed to answer, “let’s have another go!”

“Surely you’re joking”, I thought, scrambling to once again work myself into proper Tarzanic stance. There couldn’t possibly be anything left inside of me. I genuinely began to worry that what would come out next might be some vital organ, brought to a freedom-seeking frenzy by all the commotion. But no, it was yet another perfectly formed tube of human excrement. I sat, mouth agape, as number two (round two) breached the water line and came to a graceful finish, leaving an improbable conical shape below me. As I flushed the toilet for the third time in what had astoundingly only been about 70 seconds I wondered if life would ever be the same again.

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I guess it works!

Come In / Go Away Doormat

I actually like this doormat, if it wasn’t so expensive. It’s called an ambigram if you’re wondering.

ComeIn GoAway Doormat

Most Helpful Customer Reviews 78 of 78 people found the following review helpful

!!!!!!!

By Garred A. Oldham on March 10, 2010 Verified Purchase

i turned it backwards when my family was coming over. but

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LOL – OMG – WTF Wine Glass

This is would be a pretty funny glass to drink straight liquor out of.

WTF-OMG-LOL-wine-glass

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ZPFTH Presents: Gif Sound Mashup Thirteen!

Gif Sound Mashup 13, with turtles, babies, cats, a bear, dinosaurs, and a martian rover! It took some extra time to render the beginning circles lol

http://ZeroPeopleFoundThisHelpful.com & http://GifSound.com bring you Gif Sound Mashup 13!

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COMING SOON

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This video is covered under Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. § 107 – Fair Use:
All visuals and sound are

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Lego Death Star, comes complete with exhaust port weakness

Looks pretty cool, but I’m not sure what kind of person buys a $500 LEGO set… for their kids…LEGO Death Star

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful 3.0 out of 5 stars Missing cover for the exhaust port, 10 Aug 2014 By Golidog Theres a cover missing on the exhaust pipe. It’s

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A Yodelling Pickle

So well crafted.

So well crafted.

I’m sure the reviews will reinforce how what a wonderful pickle this is.

1,633 of 1,653 people found the following review helpful 5.0 out of 5 stars Better Than Bieber, January 15, 2012 By Sadie My twelve year-old

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Never seen this happen before

Never thought I’d see someone accidentally lose their bike via giant balloon, but I guess someone had to be the first…

87 Pound Cheese Wheel Table

If you’re in the market for 87 pounds of cheese, consider making this edible table…

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful 5.0 out of 5 starsi forgot the crackers, April 29, 2013 By wallace This review is from: Academia Barilla Parmigiano Reggiano DOP, 87 Pound Wheel (Misc.) when this cheese arrived i was

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ZPFTH Presents: Gif Sound Mashup Twelve!

We’re excited to bring you the twelfth installment of our Gif Sound Mashup!

 

http://ZeroPeopleFoundThisHelpful.com & http://GifSound.com bring you Gif Sound Mashup 12!

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COMING SOON

Make your own! – http://GifSound.com
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This video is covered under Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. § 107 – Fair Use:
All visuals and sound are no more than a few seconds in length, parody the original works,

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Luigi Death Stare Compilation

We really like Luigi Death Stares, so we made a compilation of the best ones, with a few tricks of our own. Check it out!


Some NSFW language in the music (okay, a lot of NSFW language). We collected our favorite Luigi Death Stares and put them together with a few special touches of our own at http://ZeroPeopleFoundThisHelpful.com

Inspired by http://www.reddit.com/r/LuigiDeathStares and using a few GifSounds from http://www.reddit.com/r/GifSound.

Make your

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Amazon Reviewer Makes Haribo Mistake

gummy-bears-stomach-ache
40,363 of 40,979 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate. By Christine E. Torok Verified Purchase …Continue reading Amazon Reviewer Makes Haribo Mistake

A Tale of America Glasses and Strippers

I have to admit, these glasses are pretty cool though.

 

America-Sunglasses

131 of 148 people found the following review helpful 5.0 out of 5 stars Best glasses ever… just be careful around strippers!!!, July 13, 2012 By Dan C Verified Purchase This review is from: P&P

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